Don't Leave Me
by NickyFan
Summary: Leaving is hard, especially when you leave your loved ones. But sometimes we can't help it. Nick had to have this experience too.


Title: Don't Leave Me

Author: NickyFan

Disclaimer: All rights belong to CBS and their writers.

Summary: Leaving is hard, especially when you leave your loved ones. But sometimes we can't help it. Nick had to have this experience too.

Notes: This was so hard to write... but I'm pleased with how it turned out. Please check it out. I would like to hear what you think about it :-) English isn't my first language, so I hope you have a little bit patience with me... I'm still in my baby shoes with writing ;-)

I wrote this story for round 15 of the_ Nick Fic Song Challenge_ on _TalkCSI_.

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**Don't Leave Me**

She stood at the sink washing vegetables. They were fresh. A few minutes ago she harvested them in their garden. The weather had been good this year for the garden. They could live for weeks on only fruits and vegetables. Well…with only her and her husband living here it was more like they could live for month on them.

Yes, they were only two most of the time… and it used to be nine. Years ago two adults and seven children lived here. She and her husband Bill were the only ones left…and their youngest child Nick. He worked in central Dallas at the Dallas Police Department and showed up every few days. He had an apartment near his workplace but still liked coming to the ranch to spend some time with the horses and to feast on his mom's cooking. She liked it when he was there. It made her happy to see him rub his belly after dinner and the smile he would give her when he came for a visit. He was the only one left. All the others had their own families to have dinner with, and the house was so quiet since they all left.

As Jillian Stokes started preparing chili for dinner today she thought that it would be great if it could stay like this forever (even though she still would like them all to be home), but this wish wouldn't be fulfilled. Nick would be leaving soon too. It had been a surprise for her and Bill when Nick told them that he applied for a job in the crime lab of the Las Vegas Police Department. She knew he liked his job, knew how he liked to solve puzzles. But then he was already doing that here… in the Dallas Crime Lab. Sure, he said that Las Vegas was a great chance for him since it was bigger and had more to offer than the one he worked for here. He would also get a better contract and earn more money. But she knew that money wasn't the cause of him leaving. She had a hunch that the reason lay somewhere else. Nick wanted to be his own man, she guessed. He had spent years butting heads with not only his siblings but his father too. And he always got the short end of the stick since he was the youngest. Everything he did was done by someone else before. Everything he did had to be great because he had a father who was well-known in Texas. And when Nick achieved something in school or at his sports club it was nothing special because one of his siblings always achieved it before him. It was also hard for him to watch his siblings growing up and being allowed certain things earlier than him.

She had thought that he was over it though… that he had pushed through it and made his own way without wanting her and his father's approval. But maybe he felt he had to get away to make his own choices without having to think of what his parents would think. Jillian shook her head while making sure that the ground meat didn't burn. She didn't…couldn't…understand. She and Bill gave their children free choices in what they wanted to do and they were proud of how well they all turned out. Of course it was odd that Nick, their son, joined the police while his father was a Texas Supreme Court judge and she a public defender, but for her it never mattered. Maybe Nick saw it differently. She had always thought he loved being at home at the ranch with all the animals. Maybe she was wrong.

She put the kidney beans into the now steaming brew and thought that she should have invited Nick over for today's dinner since he loved her homemade chili. She knew it always cheered him up when he had a bad day. But now she made chili only for herself and Bill. It was too much for them though. They would eat the rest tomorrow.

It was funny how fast time went by. A few years back she was stressed every day with work and taking care of seven children, but year after year they all walked step by step away to build their own lives and families. Now that she thought about it, their leaving process didn't even start with them leaving the ranch. It all started much sooner.

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"_Mom! Dad! Is it time? Can I go now?" A very excited voice penetrated the thick cloud of sleep that surrounded her. She had been sleeping so well after all the trouble she had getting her youngest child to bed last evening. She couldn't blame her little boy though. He was excited… excited because today was supposed to be his big day._

_It was much too soon to already get back up again. She had dreamt about a family visit to the zoo. They had all been there… her husband, all of her seven children, and her of course. Her kids loved animals and they had always a great time there. This was one of the rare times they were all together and spent a nice day. Sooner or later times like these would be even rarer. Her oldest child would start college soon, and in a few years they would all leave the safe nest of their parents to built their own families. Because of that she always enjoyed every single moment she had with them, even if it was in the middle of the night or very early in the morning, like now._

_A few seconds before the voice woke her, she had been holding her youngest child's hand. He seemed to be around four in her dream and squealed in delight as they stood in front of an aviary full of cockatoos. One of the birds cawed "Nicky! Nicky!" over and over because her husband had called Nick over to them. Yes, her Nicky loved the birds._

"_Mom!" He shouted again. "Wake up or I'm gonna be late!"_

_Beside her she could hear a loud growl. At least she wasn't the only one who woke up, she thought. She chose this moment to finally open her eyes. Everything around her was dark. It was probably still night. Right beside her she could make out the outline of a mountain of blankets. Somewhere from underneath them was again a growl to hear but the mountain didn't move and so she knew that she would have to deal with the disturber on her own. A look at the alarm clock beside her bed confirmed that it was only 4:30 AM in the morning._

_At the foot of the bed was someone bouncing up and down happily on his feet with a front teeth missing grin, still dressed in pajamas, with bare feet and sleep tousled hair. She knew why he was so happy. He had waited so long for this day to come and now it was finally there… his big day… his first day of school. He had only turned six last month and she wasn't sure if he was ready to attend school yet, not because he wasn't smart but because he was still so small. She had seen other kids who would start school with him and they were all taller than him. But his doctor had said that he was very advanced for his age and that he would do just fine and so she let him go. And for him it was the best thing ever. No more staying at home while his siblings got up early and took the bus to school. Yes, she could understand why he was happy._

_But it wasn't only a special day for hi…for her it was too. Nick was her youngest child and with him passing the magical line of going to school she knew that he as well took the first step of being independent. In a few years he would have his own life and family and he would leave them, just like all the others would before him. She knew she might be exaggerating a little at the moment, but it was true. Sooner or later she would have to let go of all of them. _

_But for now she still had a little over-excited boy at the foot of her bed to deal with, who was up way too early and would be very tired on his first day at school if she didn't step in._

"_Shh, Nicky, or you're going to wake your father." She spoke in a low voice, hoping that he would hear her. He stopped bouncing and quietly came over to his mom's bedside._

"_But Mom, y'all have to get up. Dad will be late for work and I'll miss my bus." If it wasn't so early in the morning she would have laughed at his attempt to whisper, which wasn't at all successful, given that he was way too excited to speak in a low voice. He looked adorable all clad in his favorite dinosaur pj's and his just-out-of-bed-hairstyle. His thick dark mop of hair stood up in every direction._

"_Come here, Sweetie," she said and reached out a hand for Nick to take. He accepted it and sat beside her on the bed._

"_Why are you up already? It's not even 6 yet. You know that you don't have to get up before I come to wake you, Nicky."_

"_But I thought you overslept and I'm well rested and ready to go!" he said proudly. _

_She chuckled at that and run a hand through his soft hair. His big brown eyes were shining in the dim light of the room and she could tell that her youngest was all but well rested yet. He was just too excited to sleep._

"_And besides that, Mom, I'm a big boy now and I can get up on my own!" He beamed at her and stretched his back to appear taller. She smiled at him and had a hard time not laughing out loud at his comment. She watched him and as if to confirm her guess he gave a big yawn and rubbed his eyes right after saying that._

"_Nicky, are you sure you're well rested? It took you a while to fall asleep yesterday evening." His next yawn was all she needed for an answer. "Do you want to lie down a little while longer until it's time for us to get up?" _

_He nodded and continued to rub his eyes. "Can I sleep in your bed?"_

_She smiled and made room for him. Nick crawled in and cuddled against his mom. Jillian kissed the little boy's forehead and made sure he was tucked in securely. "You're growing up so fast, Nicky. Before you realize it, you'll leave us and start your own family."_

"_Nah, mom. I'll never leave you. I'll always stay right here."_

_She watched him fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow and she couldn't stop the few tears from falling. She hoped that he would stay, but she already knew that he wouldn't be there forever, that he would leave her someday and she knew she would have a very hard time letting go._

_

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_

All lost in her thoughts, Jillian stirred her chili and tasted it one last time before nodding her head. In a few minutes she and Bill would be ready to have dinner without their children. She didn't know how Bill felt about not having any of them around anymore but she was sure that he was just as sad as she was about it, but he had always had a hard time of showing his feelings and emotions. Over the years she got to know him very well and she still loved him, like years ago.

She set the table and she didn't know what brought her to it but she started crying. She didn't want Nick to leave, her little boy and the last child of the Stokes family. He would be so far away soon and she wouldn't get to see him anymore. And truth to be told, him leaving also showed her that she was getting old as well. She already had grandchildren, but this didn't affect her as much as seeing Nick leave to a different state. When she had Nick at home she had always felt young, even though they all got older and older.

"Mom, why're you crying?" She looked up and found Nick standing at the kitchen door, looking at her with sad brown eyes, worry evident on his face.

"Oh, it's nothing, Sweetie," she said immediately and brushed away the tears from her eyes "How come you're here today? I thought you would be out with some friends?"

"I wanted to come here," he said just to answer the question. He still wanted to know what was up "You're crying because of _it_, aren't you?" He knew she would know what he was referring to. He suspected she would have a hard time with it. She looked away as if she didn't want to answer, but a few seconds later she gave a slow nod and the tears were falling again. Nick went over to her and hugged her. She accepted the comfort and let her head rest against her youngest son's shoulder. Years ago she was the one to comfort him. Now it was him comforting her. Times changed, but it was so hard to accept.

"There is no need to cry, Mom," he said brushing a strand of hair out of her face. "I won't be really gone. I'm just moving to Las Vegas for a job. But my heart will always be with you here."

He held her closer and became teary eyed too. His mom wasn't the only one who would have a hard time letting go. It would be hard for him as well. He loved the ranch, he loved his parents and his siblings, but he had to take this chance, even though he sometimes wished he could stay here.

"I know you have to go, honey. But that doesn't mean I can let you go that easily. I love you and I'll miss you when you aren't here," she said a few minutes later, her head still resting on her son's shoulder.

He nodded and tears were running down his cheeks now as well. She could feel them fall on her hair. Jillian looked at him and while wiping away his tears she said, "You can always count on us, Nick. We love you and we'll always be there for you."

The only thing he could do was nod. He knew that. That's why it was so hard to leave...

A/N: Thank you all for reading and please leave a word or two. I would like to know what you think about it. I would like to get better in writing English Nick fanfics, so every word is welcome.

Special thanks to Smokey for beta reading my story. Thanks for your patience with me and your encouragement when I thought that everything I write is rubbish *hugs*


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